


All My Friends Are Heathens

by wewillalwaysenduphere



Series: Take The Path That Leads To Power [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boy King of Hell Sam Winchester, Demon Blood Addiction, Dubious Morality, Gen, Morally Ambiguous Character, So basically Sam killed, Survival of the Fittest, and wonders if it's wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7904044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wewillalwaysenduphere/pseuds/wewillalwaysenduphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killing Ruby made Sam question himself in ways he never did before.</p><p>Or: Do morals apply to someone destined to rule Hell?</p>
            </blockquote>





	All My Friends Are Heathens

**Author's Note:**

> This is to give you some insight into Sam’s understanding of morals, and why he acts like he does.  
> Title is stolen from Twenty One Pilots 'Heathens'
> 
> Have fun :)

Killing Ruby made Sam question himself in ways he never did before.

Of course, he didn’t really kill her. Not the demon Ruby, just her meat suit, and that was more of an accident, really. After Azazel let him taste blood for the first time, he couldn’t get enough. At first he drank every week, then every few days, then almost daily.

The amount of blood he needed grew, because it was like fuel for his powers: The more he used them, the faster it was gone, and he needed more. Ruby was a demon, and her blood regenerated itself faster than any human’s would, but with him drinking daily and in steadily growing quantities, she started to become pale, almost weak, her vessel lost weight, and she seemed to be exhausted all the time.

She didn’t put up much of a fight that day, Sam pressing her up against a wall, no space between them while he sank his teeth into her neck, moaning the moment the first drop hit his tongue. He was still human, he still had to eat, but that felt more like a chore by now. This is what fed him, what kept him alive, what gave him the powers that made Lia and Patrick regard him with respect bordering onto fear, that made Benny blink when he killed with just his thoughts. The kind of power that made Meg and Tom dip their heads and Azazel smile with pride, that made other demons stop in their tracks when they saw him, bowing down and murmuring a greeting.

Sam didn’t spend much of his young life thinking about morals.

Why would he, growing up in hell, surrounded by demons and other monsters, learning how to fight, kill and work magic. He wasn’t the kind of person that would go to heaven anyway, but he didn’t fear hell – and why would he, when everyone here was cowering before him when he was barely more than a child.

But that day he sucked Ruby dry, eyes closed and euphoria flowing through him, power making him light-headed and feel so alive, arousal coiling low in his abdomen like always when he did this, that day she went limp in his arms, black smoke rushing out of her mouth and topside to get another vessel, Sam was left in his room, alone, holding a dead woman in his arms.

A woman whose name he didn’t know, but he knew about demons and their vessels and he knew he had just killed.

It was strange, looking at Ruby like this – she wasn’t Ruby anymore, he reminded himself – but still, strange. He swallowed, and slowly carried her over to the table. At first Sam had thought about putting her on his bed, but then again, he didn’t want to have a body in the very place where he slept every night.

Then he summoned Crowley to take care of the body. He didn’t need rituals anymore, thinking of a demon’s face or name – even a group – was enough to make them feel the pull that usually came from a ritual, and only two minutes later Crowley appeared in his room – standing behind Sam, but he could sense the demons around him, so he could feel Crowley’s presence shift into existence behind him, and wasn’t startled when the man began to speak.

“Long time no see, Sam. I would ask what you summoned me for, but since there’s a body on the table I think that’s hardly necessary.”

Sam turned around, nodding slightly.

“I drank too much of her blood. She just...smoked out and the body died.”

Crowley nodded, his voice indulgent. “No problem, I’ll take care of her. She’ll probably just get a new meat suit; afterwards she should come back down here.”

Sam didn’t expect to be reprimanded – he generally wasn’t, by none of the demons down here. They raised him and taught him all he needed to know, but they let him make his mistakes. But this...this wasn’t just a mistake like picking a too dangerous hunt or a ritual he couldn’t complete yet.

This was murder, and Crowley acted as if it was okay.

“So...you’re not blaming me for killing her?”

Crowley looked at him, completely baffled.

“Why would you care? She was just a human. There are seven billion of them. And every second or so a new one is born. Don’t worry about them.”

Sam couldn’t argue with that, but still opened his mouth to reply something – not because he wanted, just because he felt like he had to – but Crowley shook his head.

“Survival of the fittest, moose.” He winked, and Sam rolled his eyes because he hated that nickname. “She was weak, you are strong. That’s life.”

Then he grabbed the body from the table and disappeared with it, and Sam was left in a slightly uncomfortable mind space that he couldn’t quite put a finger on. So he reached out to Meg, who had become something like a big sister to him, and summoned her – his connection to her was close, so he could feel where she was, thousands of miles away, topside, he had no idea why, but he was fairly sure she wouldn’t take long before she followed his call.

Sam was right. Barely a few minutes later she appeared, a frown creasing her forehead.

“What’s wrong, Sammy? You don’t look too happy.”

He shook his head. By now he was seventeen and towering above her, but she was still his authority when it came to demons and general advice. He sat down, offering her the place next to him.

“I just killed Ruby.” Meg’s eyes opened as if shocked, but he lifted his hand to keep her from speaking, before correcting himself, “I mean, I killed her vessel. I drank too much, Ruby didn’t stop me, and the next thing I know she smokes out and leaves me behind with her dead vessel.”

Meg relaxed visibly, nodding. “Well, it’s not her place to stop you. Azazel told her to be at your service, so she is. I guess she’ll get a new vessel and hopefully she comes back, everything else would be disloyal and Azazel is not kind to those who betray him.”

Then she looked at Sam, something dark and old in her eyes, something close to reverence but veiled by a deep fondness. “Neither should you be.”

“It’s not like I’m the King of Hell”, Sam said, but there’s a ‘yet’ hidden in there somewhere.

Meg nodded sharply, before focusing back on the matter on hand. “So, you killed Ruby’s vessel but she’s fine, someone already took care of the body I guess, so what’s the problem?”

Sam blinked. “I killed a person, that’s the problem.” He sounded mildly irritated, and Meg looked like she didn’t completely understand him.

“So, you feel guilty for killing the meat suit?” There was disbelief clear in her voice, and Sam bit his lip.

“Kinda?  I lived with humans for so long. My parents were human. I guess I am still partly human. Shouldn’t I...you know, feel bad? At least a little? I mean, that’s the normal reaction to have, isn’t it?”

At that, Meg started to laugh, loudly and without holding herself back.

“Oh Sam, of course you don’t. Look, since Benny started to train you, how often did you kill?” She looked at him for a moment, she knew it had been countless times and Sam couldn’t give her a number, there were simply too many creatures he’d ganked over the years. Before he could say anything, she continued. “I know, they weren’t human, but come on. Is there really a difference? A life is a life, isn’t it? Sometimes you save one, other times you spare on, and then there are situations where you have to take one. That’s it.”

Sam nodded, she did have a point. Monsters were monsters, sure, but not all of them were equally bad. He knew that hunters killed witches too, and Lia and Patrick were witches. He considered them family, and he would kill to save them. He would kill hunters, if necessary. The same for Benny, or Meg, or Tom. And killing hunters, that meant killing people. He thought about it for a moment, then nodded slightly.

“It’s just...you know, a little strange”, he admitted, and Meg took one of his hands in hers, smiling like the big sister Sam never had.

“I understand you. You’re young, and you must remember the humans you lived with fondly. But you are also powerful, Sam, and you are living in a different world now. Here, the weak get killed by the strong.” Now her smile became sharp, dangerous, the demon inside her showing even when her eyes stayed hazel. “And I would hate for you to get killed.”

But he knew this was no threat to his life. On the contrary, she was ready to kill _for_ him.

And ironically, he didn’t remember anyone out of his ‘human life’ fondly. He had been living in an orphanage for as long as he could remember, and the only thing they told him were that they took him away from a family that was clearly abusive and unable to care for a child. The thought made him chuckle drily, that he had found more of a family down here in hell with two demons, two witches and a vampire than on earth with actual people.

“Thanks, Meg”, he gave back, and she let go of his hand, grinning broadly they way she usually did.

“By the way, I found a new demon for you to train your exorcism abilities on.”

Sam smiled as well when he heard that. After he started drinking demon blood, Meg and him began to figure out what kind of abilities it gave him. Among telekinesis, visions and enhanced strength he gained the skill of exorcising, torturing and killing demons with just his mind. Azazel sent demons that had been disloyal or useless to him and Meg as test objects so he could learn to control his powers. At first it had been difficult, downright painful, causing migraines and nose bleeds.

But the longer he tried and the more blood he drank the better he got, making the demons fear being sent to him almost as much as Alistair’s rack. Azazel still insisted on him taking lessons in classic torture from Alistair, so Sam did, and the other demon was quite pleased with his progress, but silently agreed with Sam that the best torturers never got their hands dirty, and encouraged Sam to keep using his abilities whenever possible.

“Cool. I’m going on a hunt with Benny tonight, but I drank enough earlier that I most likely won’t need sleep before the day after tomorrow.”

Meg nodded at him, still grinning wickedly.

“Then see you tomorrow, Sammy-boy”, she waved her hand while slowly walking to the door, and he just flipped her off, earning a cackling laugh when she finally disappeared out of the door.

The dead body was forgotten for now, and Sam got up to put on some of his hunting gear, sturdy boots, black trousers, thigh holster, long-sleeved t-shirt and his leather jacket. Then he closed his eyes, remembered the place on earth him and the vampire agreed to meet and opened them again to new surroundings, a park that was almost empty, only sparely lit by silver moon light, and Benny leaning against a tree not even twenty yards away.

“What am I lucky, the prince of hell remembered our date”, he almost barked in that deep, gruff voice of his, and Sam had to keep himself from grinning. Ever since he showed Benny what he could do – the hunt had called for it, they had been in a pinch and he had used his telekinesis to pick up a rifle and fire it – he called him by that nickname. Sam didn’t mind, it had a nice ring to it, and it wasn’t entirely wrong.

“What do you have, Benny?” He asked instead, curious about what they would be hunting tonight, looking forward to the physical training and exhaustion, but also the thrill that came with it. Although he and Benny were as deadly as they come and there was barely anything that would pose an actual threat to them there was always at least a small risk. Benny was of the firm belief that as soon as they got hurt in the process – or to be more precise, Sam got himself hurt - it was a bad hunt, almost like they’d lost.

“Dogs”, the vampire snarled, disdain obvious in his voice. “Here.” He handed Sam a gun filled with silver bullets, and Sam needed only the fraction of a second to recognize it as one of his. Benny must have been down in Hell earlier to fetch it for him. Probably to save time.

Dogs meant werewolves, and there was a certain hostility between vamps and werewolves, so it was a personal pleasure for Benny to get rid of them whenever possible. Sam didn’t object, it would be a clean, easy mission. He was too agitated to hunt something really dangerous and possibly deadly.

“Okay.” He switched the safety off. None of his inner turmoil could be heard through his voice. “Let’s go.”

 

Three hours later they were sitting on the balcony of a fairly expensive mansion a few miles outside of town, the werewolves who used to live here dead, buried in their own garden. The irony made Sam smile dryly. Maybe it was also the whiskey Benny and him were passing back and forth.

The sky was an opaque shade of black, just before dawn, but Benny could see, and Sam had never been afraid of the dark. Sam took a large gulp of the old, expensive liquor and gave it back to Benny, enjoying how it burned its way down his throat.

“Can I ask you something?”

The vampire didn’t even look at him. “You know you can. That’s what they’re payin’ me for, after all.”

Sam smiled a little. Sometimes he almost forget Benny was still Hell’s equivalent of a private teacher.

“But I’d also help you ‘cause you’re nest, Sam.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Nest?”

“Well, I’m a vampire. You’d call it family, I guess.” Benny looked over then, giving him his lazy, warm half-smile, holding the bottle out to Sam. It was strangely reassuring to know the monsters he saw as his family reciprocated the feeling.

“Yeah, makes sense. You’re family for me too. So...the thing is, I killed Ruby’s meat suit today. I didn’t do it on purpose, but you know, it was a human being.”

Benny just looked at him questioningly, so he continued, fidgeting a little.

“I didn’t feel guilty.” It felt like a confession, but Benny just shrugged.

“Why would you?” He sounded almost indifferent.

Sam shrugged too, before admitting, “I don’t know. Morals and so on. Did you ever feel guilty for killing?”

That made Benny laugh, loud and deep, before he leaned over, his bright eyes searching for Sam’s. The only light came out of the room behind them, and it lit only one half of Benny’s face up. The other was almost invisible, except for his gleaming eye.

“Listen. In this world, there is prey and there are predators. We are predators.”

His voice was sincere, solemn. Sam knew he was right.

He still asked, “So, Darwinism? Survival of the fittest? And humans are the weakest so who cares?”

Benny started to nod, but then shook his head.

“It’s not that easy. There are always strong and weak individuals from every species. Some simply survive because they’re good at hiding from those who are stronger and would kill them. Some humans – the hunters – are strong and clever enough to kill supernatural species. It’s important they exist. They weed out all the weak vampires, witches, wendigos and so on. They kill those that threaten to expose us. Natural selection for monsters, so to speak.”

That made sense to Sam, perfect sense. But Benny had ignored one of his questions.

“Did you ever regret killing a human for blood? Or feel guilty?”

Benny looked at him, deceptively calm.

“Do you think it’s wrong when a cheetah kills an antelope?” There was no emotion in Benny’s voice.

Sam silently shook his head.

“Do you think a cheetah feels guilty for killing an antelope?”

He shook his head again. And that was the end of that conversation.

“As a young man your age I had different concerns”, Benny continued, the tension that had been there just seconds ago suddenly gone. Sam inhaled slowly, he never meant to insult Benny, and it took him a moment to realize that he hadn’t. Benny hadn’t been insulted, he’d just shown Sam something very important: Who he was, who they were. Predators.

Sam cleared his head and looked at the vampire, slightly confused. “What kind of concerns?”

Benny laughed again, deeply amused this time. “Boy, you ain’t gonna score with the ladies if you’re that attentive when they talk.” Sam still must have looked confused, so Benny added, “I mean girls, Sam. Ladies. Things a young man should be concerned about.”

Sam’s eyes widened, and he must have looked irritated, so Benny shrugged, correcting his statement.

“Boys? I won’t judge ya”, he suggested, winking at Sam while taking another mouthful of whiskey.

Sam just shrugged. His cheeks were a little pink, and Benny could probably see that even when Sam was staring into the darkness. “I don’t care either way...it’s just...I don’t really know...-”, he shrugged, “-not like there are a lot of options down in hell.”

Benny nodded. “True. I mean, there are a lot of demons who wouldn’t mind poppin’ your cherry, but you shouldn’t let them. They’d probably see it as a sign of weakness from their future King.”

Sam chewed on his lip, objecting, “Azazel is king. You just keep saying that. You don’t even know if I’m even really meant to...”

He trailed off, and Benny gave him an almost empathetic look, “If believing that makes you sleep better at night, go ahead. But I hear the demons talk, Sam. Ever since you arrived, and even more since you started drinking their blood. Azazel might be sitting on that throne, but he sure as hell ain’t the king. He’s a place holder, for you, for Lucifer, hell if I know. But since I doubt the devil himself is gonna make an appearance anytime soon...”, he took another swallow from the bottle, pointing it at Sam afterwards, ”I’d bet on you.”

He didn’t know how to react, because part of him knew Benny was right, he saw the way the demons bowed to him after all, and he was nothing more than a teenager, grown too fast with limbs that were too long, still had to fill out with muscle. He was getting there, training with Benny helped, but he knew that for now he wouldn’t do anything to dethrone Azazel – he didn’t have any reason to do so, besides not liking the guy.

“So, girls and boys”, Benny went back to the topic on hand, snapping his fingers to get Sam’s attention back. He shook his head slightly, as if he could make Azazel disappear from his thoughts, before looking at Benny, trying to keep his face blank, but the smug grin on the vampire’s face told Sam he must have shown some of the embarrassment he felt.

“What about next friday night I drop you off at a club? I get you a fake ID, and the place is gonna be free of demons, actually, no monsters at all. Deal?”

Sam grinned broadly, Benny was truly the big brother he always wanted.

“Deal”, he agreed, snatching the bottle from Benny’s hand, drinking more than was probably advisable, but he felt happy now, and settled, and the slight buzz making his nerves fuzzy was more than welcome.

 

His dreams that night were like none he had before. There was a man, blond hair, blue eyes, and he seemed just out of Sam’s reach. He didn’t even know why he was so desperately drawn to him, but he was. Sam followed him through the foreign landscape of his dreams, until he finally caught up with him.

“Who are you?”, he asked, and the man smiled. His eyes seemed to glow red for a moment.

“You can call me Nick for now”, he answered. His voice sounded like music, so soft, so ethereal it made Sam relax, deep down where he hadn’t even realized he was tense.

“So why are you here? What are you even?”

Nick chuckled for a moment, holding his empty hands up to show Sam he was unarmed.

“I am your guardian angel, if you want. I’ve been trying to talk to you for some time now, but it’s complicated.”

Sam swallowed. “Because I’m down here in Hell.”

Nick shook his head. “No, that’s not it at all.”

That made Sam curious. “Why do I have a guardian angel? I thought...Hell is where I belonged.”

Nick nodded at that. “In a way, you do. At least right now. But Sam...Hell, Heaven or Earth – it can all be yours.”

He frowned. Nick raised his hand, before continuing. “I sensed that you were in distress. You don’t need to be. And more importantly, you don’t need to feel bad for your lack of guilt-“

“I don’t”, Sam interrupted immediately, “ _feel bad for my lack of guilt_. I feel guilty for taking a life.” He sounded way too defensive. Before his talk to Benny, he could almost make himself believe the lie, but now...still, he was talking to an angel. He had to pretend at the very least.

Nick sighed, before nodding and continuing, “I’m going to promise you something, Sam. I will never lie to you. Not ever. But please, do me the favour and do the same for me.”

Sam bit his lip, he knew. The angel knew, and it really shouldn’t be that surprising, given the fact they were inside his own mind. If Nick could come here, of course he could just as well read his thoughts. And that was the last straw.

“Okay. Okay, I don’t feel guilty! I don’t feel guilty for killing that woman! I didn’t even know her, and I don’t care about her! That’s it! I’d kill her again if necessary!” He was breathing heavily, and he forced himself to calm down. He hadn’t been shouting, but almost.

He looked at Nick and continued, and he didn’t see it himself, but his eyes went black this very moment. “In this world, there are predators and there is prey. She was prey. She was weak. Had she been stronger, a hunter maybe, she wouldn’t have let Ruby possess her. She was pathetic, and I killed her.”

Sam took another step towards Nick, and his power was dancing around him, tiny dark flashes of black lightning, like an aura proclaiming viciousness.

“This is not heaven, and I don’t expect you to understand, but the world that I live in is one where the strong survive, and the strongest rule.”

“And you want to rule”, Nick finished his thought. Sam would’ve denied it like he had earlier with Benny, but they had just made a pact that there would be no more lies between them. Sam had no illusions the other would call out every lie like he had the first one. He expected judgement from the angel, but he shook his head, smirking slightly.

“You were meant to rule, Sam. Do not worry, you will. And angels are warriors of god, not obese children with wings, don’t get that wrong. I have killed many...probably more than you ever will.”

Nick’s voice was understanding, soft, soothing even, despite the words he was saying. But Sam could feel that there was a connection between them, and it wasn’t something that came from talking for five minutes and a pinkie promise to always tell the truth. Whatever it was between them, it had always been there. It was a part of him, like his abilities, and just like he had decided to embrace them, he would embrace this as well.

Sam relaxed. Looking at Nick he felt free to admit, “All day I’ve been searching validation. I expected them to scream at me, blame me. They didn’t. It was good, it helped me accept...but you actually made me believe it.”

The angel nodded, smiling happily. “That’s what I came here for. I will try to guide you as well as I can, but in the end, it’s up to you, Sam. You make the decisions.”

“I do”, he agreed, and Nick’s form started to become less visible, more transparent, light from a source Sam couldn’t find was shining through him, and without even thinking about it Sam knew his angel was disappearing.

_Don’t forget, you are strong enough to take whatever you want._

This time the words weren’t spoken, it was more like an echo in Sam’s mind, but he agreed nevertheless. Then Nick was gone, and Sam was left behind in his own dream, somewhere between asleep and awake, comfortable and absolutely confused.

But, he thought, a smile forming on his face, he had gotten the answer he wanted. He had never felt guilty for the dead woman, but now he didn’t feel bad for the absence of guilt either.

He was strong. He was a predator. He was meant to rule.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course Sam is no good person in this AU, but he’s going to be more layered than just ‘evil’. His moral compass never developed the way a normal person’s would, growing up in hell and all. But he does question his actions, and this is why I wrote this part: So you know what’s going on inside him.  
> I hope it sheds some light on Sam's inner workings.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


End file.
